One foot in front of the other, that is what I told
myself when Jeremy left. Jeremy was the guy I thought I was going to get
married to. We dated about 3 years. We grew together in a way I never thought
possible for anyone not married. I will forever be grateful for that period of
my life because when you face something so painful you have a choice to make
either you put one foot in front of the other and grow or... you don’t... when
Jeremy left I would periodically feel a choking sensation and go into panic
mode; also known as anxiety attacks. I can't describe that time nor do I want
to dwell on it; but the point is that I went into survival mode. "Keep
moving, don’t stop, never ever stop", I would repeat these words to
myself. This is the time I picked up running. Running is very therapeutic.
Every step I took I got stronger, and with every leap I grew to know myself and
for the first time in my life I began to have faith in the power of the individual.
I learned a lot during that time. One step in front
of the other... When I began running, I couldn't run far without walking and
making mistakes. Eventually with consistency I got stronger, with consistency I
began to feel powerful, I truly started enjoying the beautiful details of my
run. The sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the ach in my legs, waterfalls,
and the ability I was developing to run as long as I wanted and wherever I
wanted. I developed an appreciation of the human body and what it feels like to
be healthy.
I may not have been strong on the first day, maybe
not even for a few months; yet when it did happen the payoff was so worth it. Consistency
is the key. Never stop trying even if some days it means you walk rather than
run.
I often times live in the extreme; eating is no
different. I either go with nothing or I binge. I struggle with portion control
and realizing when to stop. I have decided to take control of my life and my
nutrition habits. Today I went grocery shopping (on an empty stomach), I had
made a great step, I only bought the things I went for and I didn’t buy anything
that wouldn't make me feel good. Other than the egg nog but I can’t drink that
anyways, it was a treat for Jake.
When I got home I wanted to make crepes then later
make homemade pizza. My amazing husband (Jake) is so good at not eating when he
isn’t hungry, he was my example today. Jake suggested I just make the pizza
instead of making breakfast at noon then hope we would be hungry for dinner.
That is what I did (another step). I made myself cauliflower breadsticks made
with non-dairy cheese, and then made myself a gluten free-dairy free pizza. I
made for Jake a regular pizza. I am really proud of myself. I ate all of the breadstick things, which was not a lot, then just had really small piece of my
pizza (two more steps). My natural instinct was to keep eating until I became
sick but today I was strong!
Baby steps if consistent are extremely powerful. At
some point I believe I will begin to “enjoy the beautiful details of this
run".
